What To Say When You Talk to Yourself

Every single thought we have has a biological and chemical impact.

Thoughts are, in fact, THINGS!

(That’s still hard for me to believe but it’s true.)

Which, of course, begs the question: Are your thoughts good things or not so good?

As Ralph Waldo Emerson tells us: “A man is what he thinks about all day long.”

So, let’s look at some Big Ideas on how to get those thoughts optimized!

The first thing we want to look at is how we’ve been programmed.

T. Harv Eker echoes this wisdom in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind (see Notes) where he tells us: “Your programming leads to your thoughts; your thoughts lead to your feelings; your feelings lead to your actions; your actions lead to your results. Therefore, just as is done with a personal computer, by changing your programming, you take the first essential step to changing your results.”

Both Eker and Helmstetter use the metaphor of a computer to get the point across.

In short, imagine a monitor, a keyboard and a floppy disk. Laughing. Yes, this book was written in 1982 when floppy disks were awesome. If you remember them, high fives. If you’re not old enough to remember floppy disks, God bless you. :)

Now, our old-school computer is only going to run whatever program is on the disk. If you want a better program, you need to erase the old floppy and program some better stuff on it.

Same basic idea with our lives.

If we’re running our show on OLD programming, we’re going to get results consistent with the quality of that programming. If we want to upgrade our lives, we need to upgrade the programming.

According to Helmstetter, that programming creates our beliefs which creates our attitudes which creates our feelings which determine actions which create results.

The best way to reprogram?

Change the way you talk to yourself.

So, Step 1 in creating an optimized identity is to optimize our Self-Talk—“overriding our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions.”

Shad tells us there are five levels of Self-Talk. We need to start by identifying our current Self-Talk and elevating it.

Here’s a quick look at the five levels:

Level I Self-Talk = The Level of Negative Acceptance. This is dominated by thoughts like, “I can’t . . .” “I could never do that,” “I’m tired and just don’t have the energy I used to have,” and other such gems.

Unfortunately, this is the dominant form of Self-Talk for most people. It needs to go. :)

Level II Self-Talk = The Level of Recognition and Need to Change. This is dominated by phrases such as “I need to . . .,” and “I should . . .” It’s slightly better than Level I but not where we want to spend our time. As Shad tells us, the problem is that it recognizes a problem but offers no solution.

Level III Self-Talk = The Level of Decision to Change. This consists of phrases like, “I never . . .,” and “I no longer . . .” Now, you’re committed to change and are clear on what you’re going to stop doing and say things like, “I no longer smoke,” and “I never put off doing things that are important.”

This is powerful because you’re programming new instructions to your subconscious mind!

Level IV Self-Talk = The Level of The Better You. This is the most powerful kind of Self-Talk. This is all about “I am . . .” statements like “I am in control of my life. I am a winner! I am healthy, energetic, enthusiastic, and I’m going for it!”

As Shad tells us: “Level IV Self-Talk inspires, encourages, urges, and implores. It tugs at our hearts, touches our hopes, and paints the pictures that color our dreams. It excites, demands, and pushes us forward. It strengthens the armor of our spirit and hardens the steel of our determination. This is the Self-Talk that challenges us to do battle with our fears and end up the victor. It is the Self-Talk which stirs us to action, fills us up with self-belief, and plants our feet firmly on the solid bedrock of success.”

This is the level we want to spend most of our time at as we optimize and actualize! Let’s take a quick look at Level V and then come back to this for a moment.

Level V Self-Talk = The Level of Universal Affirmation. This is the Self-Talk of the ancient mystics who experience oneness with God/the Universe. It’s awesome. And… Shad advises us to focus on establishing a solid relationship with OURSELVES before we jump too quickly to this level!

So, back to Level IV.

Shad tells us: “There are hundreds of examples, already written, of this special, powerful, reprogramming Level IV Self-Talk: ‘I am a winner! I believe in myself. I respect myself and like who I am. I have made the decision to win in my life and that’s what I’m doing!’ Can you imagine going through the rest of your life with that kind of Self-Talk on your side? Think of the programming that kind of direction would create. It is yours for the taking. It is yours the moment you decide to choose a better way. You deserve the best out of life. Perhaps it’s time to do something about it!”

Take a moment to imagine the rest of your life with your current Self-Talk.

Now imagine the rest of your life with the super-empowered Self-Talk.

Which destiny do you want?

That’s a Big Idea.

Let’s slow down for a moment and REALLY absorb the *WHY* here.

Imagine two versions of you.

One develops strong Self-Talk. The other does not.

Which life do you want?

Are you ready to commit the energy to mastering your Self-Talk?

(Awesome.)

The book is PACKED with examples of specific Self-Talk phrases to deal with various areas of your life you’d like to master. Check out the book for the detailed examples.

For now, know that you want to start by identifying the challenge(s) you’d like to master and the current Self-Talk you engage in. (Shad tells us to identify the Top 10 most disempowering things we say to ourselves. And says if you can’t find 10 you aren’t trying! We ALL have work to do!)

Once we’ve identified areas that have opportunities for optimization, we want to go to Level IV and create a script of positive, present-tense declarations of how you’d like things to be.

For example, Shad shares some awesome Self-Talk on dealing with fear and anxiety.

He shares a dozen or so passages like this to conquer worry: “I do not fear problems. I solve them. I do not ignore problems, I confront them. I do not avoid problems, I conquer them!”

Plus: “I never worry. I turn ‘worry time’ into positive, constructive, ‘solution time.’ I keep my mind alert and open to all solutions—and solutions come quickly and easily to me.”

In Shad’s model, you’d write those down (along with another constellation of a dozen phrases like them related to the issue you want to solve) and then you’d read them aloud to yourself three times a day.

And, if you were really feeling it, you’d record yourself (or someone you love) saying these phrases and groove that into subconscious via what he calls “tape-talk.”

That. Is. Awesome.

100% wacky. And equally awesome! :)

So, Self-Talk is when we repeat things to ourselves that help us re-program at the root level. There’s no “dialogue” with ourself, just one-way goodness.

Self-Conversation, on the other hand, is when we actually strike up a conversation with ourselves. You can use it to fire yourself up in the morning and you can use it to help solve a challenge.

For example, you could be having a bad day and have this chat with yourself—we’ll pretend it’s me and me chatting:

“Hey, Brian! How are you?”

“You know, I’m having a challenging day.”

“I’m sorry to hear that! Quick question for you: What’s the most empowered thing you could do right now to feel a little better?”

“Hmmm… Good question. Probably take a deep breath and go spend some time with the family.”

“Awesome. See you when you’re back!”

That’s obviously a hyper-simplistic example, but you get the idea.

Self-Conversation reminds me of Tal Ben-Shahar’s 110-year-old you exercise where he has you imagine hopping into a time machine and having a fifteen-minute chat with the 110-year-old version of yourself.

The point of Tal’s exercise is the fact (!) that we already have all the wisdom we need. He talks about how individuals diagnosed with cancer often radically change their lives. It’s not that they suddenly got more information on how to live but that they finally tapped into that wisdom.

All the wisdom we need is pretty much already there. We just need to take the time to check in and tap into that reservoir of wisdom.

Self-conversation is a fun way to do that—whether that’s in the shower or at your desk or while you’re washing the dishes.

Try it out!

(Oh. Gotta go! Brian wants to hang out again. Hah! :)

The greatest challenge we will ever face is mastering ourselves.

And the greatest component to mastering ourselves is to master our mind.

We get that right—we learn how to reprogram our minds—and our beliefs, attitudes, feelings and behaviors follow with a grace and power that will astonish us.