The Way of the Superior Man

That. Is. Hot.

Deida has some more great tips on re-gaining/discovering your purpose in the book.

My #1 Rule? Heed Buddha’s challenge that: “Your work is to discover your work, and then, with all your heart, to give yourself to it.”

Odds are you’re not going to discover your purpose in one weekend workshop or in one book or in one journaling exercise. It’s more like the story of the stone-cutter, who strikes and strikes the rock with his hammer hundreds and hundreds of times until, eventually, the rock breaks. Obviously, it’s a process.

My vote? Commit to discovering your purpose and then simply take the next logical step—whether it’s reading the book you know you need to read, making the phone call you known you need to make, writing the business plan you’ve been thinking about forever. Whatever it is, DO SOMETHING! Move toward your highest self. And, soon enough (and definitely after some hero’s journey-esque ups and downs), you’ll be on purpose.

(And then you’ll get to hit a new rock as you forever take your evolving mission to the next highest edge. :)

Wow. Well, that sums it up, eh?

Let’s shine a spotlight on you—> Are you making excuses?

Time to step up to the fact that men who really wanted to do something were never limited by your excuses.

Again, step #1 for the Superior Man? Know thyself.

Immediately followed by: Express thyself.

We MUST show up as our highest selves. THAT is our primary practice—if we have any integrity to our commitment to give our gifts to the world.

Are you taking responsibility for who you are and how you’re showing up? Or, are you acquiescing to the demands of society? Very important decision. Choose wisely.

I say we follow Deida’s recommendation to “make your own decision, based on your deepest intuitive wisdom and knowledge. You may make the right decision or the wrong one, but whatever happens, it is your best shot, and you will strengthen your capacity for future action.”

Powerful.

Are you tolerating mediocrity in yourself? In your friends?

Wow. That kicks off a chapter called: “Be Willing to Change Everything in Your Life.”

I can’t remember the first time I read it, but I definitely remember the second. It was after I raised $3 million of capital and invested every bit of energy I had for 3 years into getting Zaadz off the ground… and then after gaining significant momentum, finding myself feeling (oddly) less than complete.

Deida continues: “As you open yourself to living at your edge, your deepest purpose will slowly begin to make itself known. In the meantime, you will experience layer after layer of purposes, each one getting closer and closer to the fullness of your deepest purpose. It is as if your deepest purpose is at the center of your being, and it is surrounded by concentric circles, each circle being a lesser purpose. Your life consists of penetrating each circle, from the outside toward the center.”

And: “As you dissolve each layer and move toward the center, you will more and more be living from your deeper purposes, and then your deepest heart purpose, whatever it is, in every moment.”

Definitely felt that. You? Then: “Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a sign of growth, but you may mistake it for a sign of failure.”

He then talks about whether you’re just giving up and need to persevere rather than move through the experience to the next and offers a few signs that the decision may in fact be rooted in completing a layer of purpose including:

1. “You suddenly have no interest whatsoever in a project or mission that, just previously, motivated you highly.” (check)
2. “You feel surprisingly free of any regrets whatsoever, for starting the project or for ending it.” (check)
3. “Even though you may not have the slightest idea of what you are going to do next, you feel clear, unconfused, and, especially, unburdened.” (check)
4. “You feel an increase in energy at the prospect of ceasing your involvement with the project.” (check)

And I laughed out loud at #5: “The project seems almost silly, like collecting shoelaces or wallpapering your house with gas station receipts. Sure, you could do it, but why would you want to?” (check check check)

For the deeply personal reasons I started and believed in Zaadz, it was disorienting for me to witness such a significant shift in my attitude towards the project. Reading these passages and several other books (Tim Ferriss’4-Hour Workweek and Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws of Success were huge inspirations for me at that time as well), gave me a profound sense of clarity.

With that clarity, I decided to sell the business. Within 30 days of the decision, we completed the sale of Zaadz to Gaiam, Inc., giving my investors a great return, my team an opportunity to work within the broader framework of a larger business (pros and cons to that, of course) and giving me the opportunity to powerfully enter the next phase of my life.

At the time, I didn’t know what I was going to do exactly. I just knew (!) that my dharma had been fulfilled with the project and that it was time for me to move on.

In the midst of that unknown, there were surprisingly few “Eek!!” moments. And, after pushing through a series of potential creative ideas (and experiencing the temporary jolts of not finding the one on the first try), I came to a place of absolute certainty that my next mission was to create these PhilosophersNotes—100 of them that inspire and empower busy self-actualizers en route to creating a highly profitable business that would allow me to continue my studies, creative pursuits and optimization of my life.

Enough about me and this particular Big Idea.

I hope (and trust) you saw visions of yourself in the passages and in my story.

What do YOU need to be willing to change in your life?

That’s hot. And so true, eh?

ALL the great teachers talk about this tendency to contract into self-centeredness, fear, etc. And they also all talk about the need to expand in service to experience the joy of living on purpose. Deida also ties this to our sexuality and our ability to please our women. Get out of your own self-concern. We need to give ouselves!

That might be the most beautiful description of the purpose of intimacy I’ve read.

Worth a re-read and worth striving to embody, eh?

Amen to that. I don’t know about you, but the times when I struggle with my sexual performance/technique are almost perfectly correlated to the times I’m not living on purpose. Solve one and the other is in pretty good shape.

(Of course, techniques are a nice party favor, so get the book and learn ‘em. :)

Men and women both have feminine and masculine qualities. “Men can take care of their children and women can fight for their country.”

But if we want to have truly vital intimate relationships, Deida admonishes us to appreciate and nurture our polarity. Note to the ladies: “Because a man’s priority is his mission, he will always gravitate to a woman whom he feels would most support his mission.”

Amen.

Praise and appreciation are the hallmark of successful relationships. I go into the power of these ideas in my Notes on Gay & Katie Hendricks’ BRILLIANT work on Conscious Living and Loving. (If you haven’t checked that one out and are even thinking about relationships, get it.) Their books and workshops teach people how to give and receive appreciation. It’s that important.

They base a lot of their work on John Gottman, the guy who can tell you within 5 minutes whether a couple will get divorced with a STUNNING (!) 90%+. He puts appreciation at the top of his Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. His rule: Successful couples have at least a 5:1 ratio in positive to negative interactions. The easiest way to boost that ratio? Learn how to praise/appreciate. And Deida takes it a step further with his recommendation to praise that which we specifically want to see more of: our woman’s “radiance, health, happiness, love, beauty, power, and depth.” There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman owning these qualities. Let’s praise our Goddesses many times today, shall we?

Sounds good to me. To “the divine way!” :)

Although this quote comes in a chapter talking about a man’s desire to have sex with women other than his partner, it reminds me of Robert Fritz’ brilliant book The Path of Least Resistance (see Notes).

In it, Fritz talks about the fact that will-power is less important than a clearly articulated sense of your ideal—when we know what we want, we don’t need to psych ourselves up with affirmations and all that. We just do what needs to be done. In Deida’s words: “through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.”

Again, it all comes back to having the clarity of purpose to subjugate the lower desires to our soul’s true calling.

Are you acting with impeccable courage?