Love it. First, let’s change our perception around seeing our faults. It’s a POSITIVE thing to catch ourselves doing something less than our best. And, let’s take a peek at the shadows we’re casting.
First, the positive negativity. Vernon Howard says this in his classic The Power of Your Supermind (see Notes): “Encourage yourself by remembering that any detection of negativity within you is a positive act, not a negative one. Awareness of your weakness and confusion makes you strong because conscious awareness is the bright light that destroys the darkness of negativity. Honest self-observation dissolves pains and pressures that formerly did their dreadful work in the darkness of unawareness. This is so important that I urge you to memorize and reflect upon the following summary: Detection of inner negativity is not a negative act, but a courageously positive act that makes you a new person.”
And Michael Beckwith (see Notes on Spiritual Liberation) says pretty much the same thing here: “Not all pain is negative, even though we label all forms of pain as such and resist them. Positive-negativity is a circumstance that causes us to go deeper, to search ourselves, to stop placing blame on the causes of suffering outside ourselves, and take self-responsibility.
Circumstances arise and hard times come so that we may grow through them, so that we may evolve. I like to say that a bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul. When we look back on some of our most challenging experiences, we admit that we wouldn’t trade what we gained from them for remaining the same as we were. Something within acknowledges that during those times when we are pressed against the ropes of life, we learn to become more generous, to forgive, to never give up on ourselves or others. We learn to regenerate, to rejuvenate, to surrender.”
So, let’s redefine our relationship to pain/faults/seeing challenges, shall we?!?
And, now for a little shadow fun. As Lao Tzu says: “He thinks of his enemy as the shadow that he himself casts.”
This is echoed throughout the modern literature as well. One of my favorite books on the subject, and a great intro to our shadow challenges, is Debbie Ford’s The Dark Side of the Light Chasers (see Notes). She says it’s as if we have electrical sockets on our chest and if we’re ever triggered by someone it’s because they “plugged into” an aspect of ourselves that we haven’t fully owned. If we’ve integrated the trait we’re finding so annoying in the other person, we might observe the annoying behavior, but we wouldn’t be unduly TRIGGERED by it.
That make sense? The idea that we “project our shadow” on others and are triggered by our own disowned attributes showing up in others is a huge idea.
Here’s how the guys from The Power of Full Engagement (see Notes) put it: “Difficult and unpleasant as it may be to accept, we often feel most hostile to those who remind us of aspects of ourselves that we prefer not to see. ‘Ask someone to give a description of the personality type which he finds most despicable, most unbearable and hateful, and most impossible to get along with,’ writes Edward Whitmont, ‘and he will produce a description of his own repressed characteristics…. These very qualities are so unacceptable to him precisely because they represent his own repressed side; only that which we cannot accept within ourselves do we find impossible to live with in others.’ Think for a moment of someone you actively dislike. What quality in that person do you find most objectionable? Now ask yourself, ‘How am I that?’”
We can obviously go off on this for awhile. And we do in the other Notes. For now, let’s view our flaws with a smile and ask “How am I that?!” when we find ourselves fiesty! :)