The Psychology of Winning

This is the 85th Note I’ve created and I’m starting to find it almost amusing how often the SAME EXACT THING is repeated again and again and again.

How about from my last Note (#84!) on Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience? Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (see the Notes on how to pronounce that ;) says: “A person can make himself happy, or miserable, regardless of what is actually happening ‘outside,’ just by changing the contents of consciousness. We all know individuals who can transform hopeless situations into challenges to be overcome, just through the force of their personalities. This ability to persevere despite obstacles and setbacks is the quality people most admire in others, and justly so; it is probably the most important trait not only for succeeding in life, but for enjoying it as well. To develop this trait, one must find ways to order consciousness so as to be in control of feelings and thoughts. It is best not to expect shortcuts will do the trick.”

Me likes.

I trust you’ve read some other Notes so I’m going to refrain from going off as a quoting machine here, but PLEASE understand that this is ALWAYS described as THE most important attribute to living a great life—from the Buddha and Marcus Aurelius to Jack Canfield and Stephen Covey.

Ahem. Alright. Let’s move on to some more Big Ideas on how to get our Winning on. :)

That’s a really cool exercise and similar to something I’ve been doing for a while now.

Every day for 100+ days I wrote down 5 things I’m proud of, 5 things I will be proud of, 5 things I’m grateful for, 5 things I’m excited about and 5 truths I live by. I mixed it up every day and really dug it.

First question: Are you journaling?!? (Please say, “Yes!!” :)

It’s one of the most powerful ways we can deepen our clarity and increase our happiness. In fact, in our Note on Happy for No Reason, we discuss the fact that keeping a gratitude journal has been scientifically proven to raise our happiness levels. As Marci Shimoff says: “In an experiment by Dr. Robert Emmons at the University of California-Davis, people who kept a ‘gratitude journal,’ a weekly record of things they felt grateful for, enjoyed better physical health, were more optimistic, exercised more regularly, and described themselves as happier than a control group who didn’t keep journals.”

Second question: What’s in your BAG?!? Now’s a good time to take our first pass, eh? :)

These are some of my many Blessings—the people and things I’m thankful for:

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These are some of my Accomplishments—what I’ve done that I’m super proud of so far:

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These are some of my Goals—my dreams and ambitions that inspire me daily:

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(Very nice!!! Might want to go shopping and fill up your BAG at least weekly! :)

Good stuff.

Totally reminds me of Maxwell Maltz’s great book, Psycho-Cybernetics (see Notes) all about this Big Idea that we’re goal seeking beings who need a clear target to function well.

And, lest you think this is just some kind of pop psychology, know that this is pretty much *exactly* what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, arguably the world’s leading scientist on optimal living, says in Flow (see those Notes, too).

First, Maltz: “Creative striving for a goal that is important to you as a result of your own deep-felt needs, aspirations and talents (and not the symbols which the ‘Joneses’ expect you to display) brings happiness as well as success because you will be functioning as you were meant to function. Man is by nature a goal-striving being. And because man is ‘built that way’ he is not happy unless he is functioning the way he was made to function—as a goal-striver. Thus true success and true happiness not only go together but each enhances the other.”

Now, Csikszentmihalyi: “The optimal state of inner experience is one in which there is order in consciousness. This happens when psychic energy—or attention—is invested in realistic goals, and when skills match the opportunities for action. The pursuit of a goal brings order in awareness because a person must concentrate attention on the task at hand and momentarily forget everything else. These periods of struggling to overcome challenges are what people find to be the most enjoyable of their lives. A person who has achieved control over psychic energy and has invested it in consciously chosen goals cannot help but grow into a more complex being. By stretching skills, by reaching toward higher challenges, such a person becomes an increasingly extraordinary individual.”

Now, you: How’re your goals?

Are you channeling your life energy toward realistic goals that give you meaning?

Or, are you kinda spinning around like a missile without a clear target, ready to self-destruct in a not-so-pretty fashion?

Good news is that simply clarifying what’s important to you and creating goals in line with those values, and, of course, PURSUING them, will get you in flow faster than you can say, “What up?!?” So, um, let’s rock that. :)

… And, while we’re on the subject, this is good to keep in mind as well: “One of the best ways to develop adaptability to the stresses of life is to view them as normal. Earl Nightingale tells of his visit with his son recently to the Great Barrier Reef which stretches nearly 1800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Noticing that the coral polyps on the inside of the reef, where the sea was tranquil and quiet in the lagoon, appeared pale and lifeless… while the coral on the outside of the reef, subject to the surge of the tide and power of the waves, were bright and vibrant with splendid colors and flowing growth… Earl Nightingale asked why this was so. ‘It’s very simple,’ came the reply, ‘the coral on the lagoon-side dies rapidly with no challenge for growth and survival… while the coral facing the surge and power of the open sea, thrives and multiplies because it is challenged and tested every day. And so it is with every living organism on earth.’”

I like looking at the “motive” in “motivation.” In short: What’s your REASON for acting?

Pay attention to whether you’re driven to impress others or if you’re truly inspired to rock something. (And then lean toward the latter. :)

As Waitley says: “Motivation is a force which moves us to action, and it springs from inside the individual.”

Amen. Often times, especially when exploring Eastern mysticism, we mistakenly try to get rid of all of our desires and the tension we believe they create. Alas, it’s not the desires that create the negative tension, it’s the fear and doubt and worry and attachment that creates the negative tension.

The challenge is to hold the bow taut with the tension of our desires and then joyfully celebrate each step of the process as we move toward our goal with flexibility, patience and enthusiasm.

And, re-orienting our relationship to fear is always a good thing. Those butterflies? Let’s learn to smile at them rather than allow them to evolve into moths that eat us up. And, check out the Notes on Overachievement for a fun look at how the most powerful among us learn to eat stress like a Powerbar. As John Eliot advises us in his great book: “Working on techniques to manage stress is a bit like trying to win the Indy 500 by putting a governor on the engine of your race car or swapping out a powerful V-12 for a V-4 because it offers a ‘quieter ride.’ You wouldn’t do that. Not if you were after the checkered flag. Not if you were racing star Jeff Gordon. No superstar is about to give his opponents an edge. Nor should you by trying to relax when the pressure’s on.”

Well, there ya go. :)

How’s YOUR optimism and enthusiasm?!?

We go off on the importance of optimism in our Notes on Learned Optimism by the Godfather of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman. After years of studying learned helplessness (one of the strongest predictors of depression is our level of disempowerment/helplessness, btw), Seligman articulates how we can learn to be more optimistic, and, of course, why we should care. Check out the Note for details on both. For now, know it’s big and you can do a LOT about it. :)

And, enthusiasm. In case you haven’t read my other 50 references to it: Remember that enthusiasm comes from the Greek en theos and literally means “God within.” That’s awesome. When we’re on (or “total winners” as Waitley would say), we’ve got God in the house and the world knows it via the enthusiasm that radiates from within!

Brian Tracy describes it this way (see Notes on Focal Point): “Once you have thought through your work and decided on your most valuable task, you must discipline yourself to start it immediately and stay with it until it is complete. When you concentrate single-mindedly on a single task, without diversion or distraction, you get it done far faster than if you start and stop and then come back to the task and pick it up again. You can reduce the amount of time you spend on a major task by as much as 80 percent simply by refusing to do anything else until that task is complete.”

On a higher level, this reminds me of a conversation I had with my mentor from my first business, eteamz. Quick context: I raised $5 million as a 24/25 year-old CEO of an internet business during the late 90’s. We were on a roll and hired the CEO of adidas to replace me as our CEO so we could raise another $20+ million and go public. Then the market crashed and we had 45 employees and a huge burn and dwindling cash.

I vividly remember Steve Wynne, our new CEO and super cool dood, telling me: “It’s not how you start something, it’s how you finish it that matters.” That became my guiding principle as we navigated some tough times and eventually sold the business to one of our two competitors who had raised 10x more capital.

So, let’s remember: “Concentrate all your energy and intensity, without distraction, on the successful completion of your current project. Finish what you start.”

So simple and so true.

I don’t know about you, but I’m all about making my LIFE one rockin’ party. You? :)

Isn’t it funny how much time we spend planning a vacation or a party or a wedding and how little we usually spend planning our ideal lives—from our ideal job to our ideal day-to-day lifestyle to our ideal relationships?

So, let’s address that now. Take a moment to appreciate how wonderful your life is today and how much you’ve grown over the last decade and all the things that are going right. When you’re feelin’ that and smiling at all the goodness already in your life, let’s explore your ideal.

You have a magic wand. Wave it. Now imagine your ideal day.

What are you doing? What time do you get up? What do you do for fun and for work? (Please tell me there’s a lot of overlap there! ;) How are you giving yourself most fully to the world?!? With whom do you spend your time? Where are you? How do you feel?

Map it out! Take the time (right now, pretty please!!!) to start getting more and more clarity on what you’d like to see in your life.

I’ve done this type of exercise dozens (prolly hundreds) of times over the last decade and now I’m blessed to pretty much be living the current version of my ideal: I’m on an island in the South Pacific (go Bali!) where I’m getting paid to study, embody and share incredible wisdom as I create PhilosophersNotes and inspire people from around the world; I teach a class on Philosophy twice a week at the local yoga studio, rise with the sun every day (it shows up over the rice fields/jungle and shines straight into my bedroom which has open architecture so the breeze and fire flies can cruise in at night), then meditate for an hour, do some movement then journaling then creative work with a massage thrown in (I got 200 ($5-$10) massages during my first 200 days here), while enjoying yummy organic food and coconut water and great conversations with my Goddess.

It’s funny to even write that. I share it not to be a weenie and show off but simply as a demonstration of what’s possible. It’s almost surreal for me to see that we truly CAN create our ideal—it’s not always “easy” to get from one place to another but we CAN do it.

Of course, the first question we need to ask is: “WHAT DO I WANT?!?”

So… If you’d like to experiment with seeing just how incredible you can make your life, I *highly* recommend you make journaling about your ideal a daily (!!!) practice and not something you do on New Year’s and then forget about a week later.

And, right now sure seems like a wonderful time to do some envisioning, yah? :)