The Now Habit

of overwhelm.

First, perfectionism. I used to be a poster child for perfectionism. In fact, it was so bad that I can vividly remember sitting in my cubicle at Arthur Andersen at the beginning of my career 13 years ago folding a letter to a client and worrying about whether or not the folds were equally spaced apart and that the stamp was on just right. Yowsers. Almost surreal to look back at that!

Fiore provides us with this powerful equation: “Perfectionistic demands lead to—> fear of failure—> PROCRASTINATION—> self-criticism—> anxiety and depression—> loss of confidence—> greater fear of failure which leads to—> stronger need to use PROCRASTINATION as a temporary escape. Procrastination does not start the pattern. From the perspective of the Now Habit, procrastination follows perfectionistic or overwhelming demands and a fear that even minor mistakes will lead to devastating criticism and failure.”

Brilliant. It’s helpful to see perfectionistic demands as the root of our procrastination problem and we might want to remind ourselves of Maslow’s wisdom (see Notes) that: “There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers… even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”

Now, overwhelm. My favorite thought on this comes from Tal Ben-Shahar’s great book Happier (see Notes) where he talks about finding your “stretch zone” right in between your panic/overwhelm zone and your comfort zone. It’s healthy to stretch ourselves but we don’t wanna put ourselves into panic zones! :)

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes the science of this in his great book Flow (see Notes). He says this: “In all the activities people in our study reported engaging in, enjoyment comes at a very specific point: whenever the opportunities for action perceived by the individual are equal to his or her capabilities. Playing tennis, for instance, is not enjoyable if the two opponents are mismatched. The less skilled player will feel anxious, and the better player will feel bored. The same is true for every other activity… Enjoyment appears at the boundary between boredom and anxiety, when the challenges are just balanced with the person’s capacity to act.”

So, let’s explore some more Big Ideas on how to chillax a bit, drop the whole perfectionistic demands and find our flow!

This is Big. Super Big. (Technically speaking, of course. :)

It’s REALLY easy to fall into victim-mode where we blame those around us for our problems and look for rescuers to bail us out. By far *the* best framework I’ve seen to address this issue is found in myfriend David Emerald’s GREAT little book, The Power of *TED. Please check out the Notes for a quick look at the model, but know that there’s a BIG difference between being victimized—which we ALL are at times (from being abused as children or cut off on the way to work) and being a victim.

Too often we think that being victimized DETERMINES our victimhood. But it doesn’t. We ALWAYS have a choice as to how we interpret an event and it’s REALLY (!!!) important we make that choice wisely.

So, if you’re currently feeling persecuted by people or circumstances in your life, take a moment to step back and see that between the challenges and your response there’s a gap. You wanna step in there and ask yourself how you can create the best response to the situation and avoid falling into the habits of complaining, criticizing, blaming and all that other not-so-fun stuff of victimville.

Why is this so important? Check out the Notes on Learned Optimism for the research on “learned helplessness” and the fact that when we assume the role of disempowered/helpless victim we dramatically increase our likelihood of being depressed/sick/tired/etc.

As Fiore says: “The change in my feelings at that moment was quite dramatic. Stress was replaced with purposeful action; a sense of victimhood was transformed into empowerment.”

Have you ever kept a log of how you spend your time? It’s a *really* powerful way to bring awareness to your routines. The simple act of logging your behavior dramatically alters it!

You’ll wanna check out the book for all the Big Ideas Fiore has on how we can leverage this simple yet effective practice.

For now, think about keeping track of your day and see if you can notice the events that precede negative habits. Simply knowing what events trigger the negative habits is a huge tool in switching to more productive activities.

And, remember: “With some record of your current behavior and thoughts, you’ll know where to take corrective action. Without a record it’s almost impossible to learn from past mistakes. Think back to last week. Do you know what you did, how much time was lost, and what you were feeling that led you to procrastinate? Probably not. That’s why I strongly encourage you to make some record of your activities and thoughts or use the procrastination log. It provides a system to make it easier for you to gain control of your time and your behavior patterns.”

That’s awesome.

Isn’t it amazing how often we raise a board up in the air and freak ourselves out?!?

Fiore continues the scene by having us imagine the board catching on fire on our end. Then what do we do?!? We do *whatever* we need to, to get to the other end, eh?!? Unfortunately, that’s how we can live our lives at times. Procrastinating to the last minute and then making a frantic dash.

He suggests a better way: Ideally, we can reduce the fears through more effective self-talk and lower the board back down to the ground or, at the very least, create a virtual safety net a few feet below the board so at least we don’t think we’ll fall to our death!

Lao Tzu would agree. Check out the Note on the Tao te Ching where he says: “Prevent trouble before it arises. Put things in order before they exist. The giant pine tree grows from a tiny sprout. The journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath your feet.”

Let’s catch ourselves early on when we find ourselves ruminating about (supposed) lost opportunities, realize it’s all in the past and ask ourselves: “What small step can I take NOW so I can create the future I’m so excited about as I enjoy this moment I’m so blessed to have?!?”

Let’s get specific.

I’m stressed about this at the moment:________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

In this moment, I can take this specific step:____________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

(Sweet. Now take it. :)

This is another REALLY Big Idea.

We need to watch how often we use “have to” and realize that every time we say “I have to” we’re effectively diminishing our power. Not a good idea.

Seneca (see Notes on Letters from a Stoic) says: “There is nothing the wise man does reluctantly.”

While Carlos Castaneda (see Notes on The Wheel of Time) tells us: “We hardly ever realize that we can cut anything out of our lives, anytime, in the blink of an eye.”

Are you throwing “I have to…” around a lot these days? Let’s play a game and see how often we say that phrase and step into a more empowered position, shall we?!?

Brilliant. Which one of those replacement thoughts resonates with you the most?

Now a good time to start swapping out the less empowering thoughts for rockin’ ones? :)

That’s fantastic.

And reminds of Joshua Rosenthal’s brilliant book Integrative Nutrition—which is easily the best book on nutrition I’ve read. (Check out the Notes and get the book if you’re feelin’ it!)

Joshua has a school where they discuss the pros and cons of EVERY diet plan out there and I love his recommended diet, the 90/10 Diet.

He says this: “Since I’m not very much into the rules, this diet has only one rule. And even that rule is flexible. The rule is that 90% of the time you eat what is healthy for you, and 10% of the time you eat whatever you feel like eating.”

There’s something REALLY powerful when we chillax a bit (or a lot as the case may be) and pursue excellence and our greatest lives without the stress of NEEDING. TO. BE. PERFECT. ALL. THE. TIME. Gasp. :)

Genius.

Reminds me of Michael Beckwith in his great book Spiritual Liberation (see Notes) where he says: “A conscious realization of our innate oneness with the Ineffable does not mean that we will never make a mistake again. Even enlightened beings burn their bagels once in a while. It’s important to maintain a sense of humor because this is how you will stop being afraid of making a mistake. You’ll make some, but so what? That’s why they’re called mis-takes. Humor relaxes the uptight ego. You get a new cue from your inner Self and simply say, ‘I missed my cue, so let’s do a second take.’ Your willingness to take the risk of making a mistake is actually an expression of courage and a willingness to grow from them. Mistakes are about getting the blessing in the lesson and the lesson in the blessing.”

Love that.

How are you interpreting your “mistakes”?

I say we laugh the next time we “burn a bagel” and let’s remember Fiore’s wisdom:

I love the idea of “neuroplasticity”—the fact that we can literally RE-WIRE our brains.

In her GREAT book, The How of Happiness (see Notes), Sonja Lyubomirsky tells us the same thing: “All that is required to become an optimist is to have the goal and to practice it. The more you rehearse optimistic thoughts, the more ‘natural’ and ‘ingrained’ they will become. With time they will be part of you, and you will have made yourself into an altogether different person.”

So, let’s have fun shifting from procrastinator to producer and KNOW that every time we make the shift we’re re-grooving our consciousness in powerful ways!

Here’s to the power of the Now Habit!