The Four Agreements

Ah, the domestication process. :)

In Thus Spoke Zarathustra (see Notes) Nietzsche tells us that: “Society tames the wolf into a dog. And man is the most domesticated animal of all.”

And, Carlos Castaneda, another great teacher who introduces us to the ancient Toltec wisdom (see Notes on The Wheel of Time), tells us that the purpose of the warrior (the ideal person in the Toltec tradition) is to transcend social conditioning as we discover our personal power and learn to live with clear intent and impeccability.

The Four Agreements are pretty much an awesome guide on how to do exactly that!

Brilliant.

So when we’re impeccable, we don’t use our word against ourselves indulging in guilt or shame. We also don’t use our word against others in blaming, criticizing or gossiping. We also honor our commitments and only make commitments we intend to follow through on.

How’re you doing on those fronts?

In The Diamond Cutter (see Notes), Geshe Michael Roach talks about the fact that in Tibet they don’t even have a word for “guilt.” As he says: “There’s no word in Tibetan for ‘guilty.’ The closest thing is ‘intelligent regret that decides to do things differently.’”

Geshe Roach also describes blame/criticism/complaining/etc. as “useless talk.” It depletes us of energy and wires our brains in ways we don’t wanna be wired. So, uh, let’s get impeccable with our word and stop all blame and criticism—of ourselves and others; and, while we’re at it, let’s get rid of all the complaining and gossip as well! :)

Now, let’s address being impeccable with our word as it relates to commitments.

Do you honor your commitments? When you say you’re going to do something, do you *really* intend to follow through and then DO you? Or, do you kinda say “Yes” to every request because you think you need to and you figure you can always flake later? We’ve all said “Yes” too often when a polite “No” would’ve been more appropriate but let’s practice honoring our word and the commitments we make, shall we?!

(While we’re on the subject of sin, did you know that, according to Wikipedia: “in the biblical Hebrew, the generic word for sin is het. It means to err, to miss the mark. It does not mean to do evil.” Paulo Coelho (see Notes) talks about the fact that to sin, from this perspective, is kinda like an archer missing the bulls-eye. Cool, eh?)

This is another theme that all the great teachers come back to again and again and again (and again :).

How about some Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Deepak Chopra?

Marcus Aurelius (see Notes on Meditations) reminds us not to worry about the opinion of other people who don’t even have a good opinion of themselves! He tells us: “The approval of such men, who do not even stand well in their own eyes, has no value for him.”

And Seneca (see Notes on Letters from a Stoic) reminds us that the world is so inconsistent in its opinions we should just be done with it. He says: “Away with the world’s opinion of you, it’s always unsettled and divided.”

While Ervin Seale (see Notes on Take Off from Within) reminds us: “There is one recurring, persistent, perennial, and dogging personal problem which, more than any other, steals the force and peace of people and ruins projects and enterprises and careers. It is the habit of feeling hurt because of what others do or do not do and what they say or do not say.”

Deepak Chopra (see Notes on The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire) has a mantra I’ve said thousands of times:

I’m totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others.
I’m totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others.
I’m totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others.
I’m totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others.
I’m totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others.

Why is this such a big deal?

Because, as Don Miguel Ruiz says: “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”

Let’s think about it. Imagine interacting with the same person in two different situations.

First: the person had an AWESOME day—they got a great night of sleep, won the lottery and every other thing that could’ve possibly gone well for them unfolded. They’re feelin’ great. How do you think they’re gonna treat us? Probably pretty well, eh?

Now, same person. This time, they got a really bad night of sleep, lost their job, got in a car accident, didn’t eat all day long and every other annoying thing that could’ve happened, happened. Not in such a good mood. How do you think they’re gonna treat us now? Prolly no where near as well as when they’re rested, happy and all that jazz, eh?

The important thing to note here is that WE were exactly the same in both situations. But if we base our opinion of ourselves on how someone else treats us, we’re in trouble.

Again, as Ruiz says: “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”

Well, there ya go!

The third agreement: Don’t make assumptions.

Are you making any assumptions about what someone’s thinking or doing? Can you see how the drama factor can go down *dramatically* (pun intended) if we just have the courage to ask what’s up?

As Ruiz says: “The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear. If you don’t understand, ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you are as clear as you can be.”

So… Let’s identify where we’re making some assumptions and have the courage to ask ‘em what’s up and get out of the drama of assumption-ville, shall we?!? :)

Sweet.

We need to always do our best if we want to bring the other three agreements alive.

And, of course, sometimes we’ll be *totally* on and our best will be rock star rockin’ and other times we might be a little tired and our best won’t be quite as stellar. It’s all good.

Let’s take a look at some other Big Ideas related to doing our best—from the Greek ideal of Areté (pronounced “are-uh-tay”) to Tony Robbins’ “CANI!” to the Japanese concept of Kaizen.

We’ll start with Areté. It’s one of my favorite words and ideals. In fact, the site I had before PhilosophersNotes (and Zaadz) was called “thinkArete.” :)

As I’ve mentioned in other Notes, in classic Greece, peeps like Socrates, Plato and Aristotle said that if we want to live with happiness we need to live with Areté—a word that translates as “excellence” or “virtue” but has a deeper meaning, something closer to “striving to do your best moment to moment to moment.”

Think about it. When what you’re doing is less than what you’re capable of doing—and I’m not talking about what you “should” be doing here, but what your Highest Self *knows* you’re capable of—there’s a gap. And, in that gap is where depression and anxiety and disillusionment hang out.

When we close that gap by doing our best, there’s no room for the angst/negative schtuff/etc. and we feel REALLY good. Yah?

Again, our best will vary but let’s think Areté! :)

Tony Robbins has an awesome concept he calls “CANI!”—Constant and Never Ending Improvement. When we show up committed to doing our best and practice CANI!, we’re on an incredible upward trend where our best keeps on getting better.

(And last time I checked, that’s a good thing. :)

And, finally, you heard of “kaizen”? Marci Shimoff describes it this way in her great book Happy for No Reason (see Notes): “To make the quickest progress, you don’t have to take huge leaps. You just have to take baby steps—and keep on taking them. In Japan, they call this approach kaizen, which literally translates as ‘continual improvement.’ Using kaizen, great and lasting success is achieved through small, consistent steps. It turns out that slow and steady is the best way to overcome your resistance to change.”

I love that.

How can you change something you don’t know needs changing?

As Seneca says (see Notes on Letters from a Stoic): “The worse a person is the less he feels it.”

And Vernon Howard (see Notes on The Power of Your Supermind) tells us: “Encourage yourself by remembering that any detection of negativity within you is a positive act, not a negative one. Awareness of your weakness and confusion makes you strong because conscious awareness is the bright light that destroys the darkness of negativity. Honest self-observation dissolves pains and pressures that formerly did their dreadful work in the darkness of unawareness. This is so important that I urge you to memorize and reflect upon the following summary: Detection of inner negativity is not a negative act, but a courageously positive act that makes you a new person.”

So, let’s bring some awareness to our quest for personal freedom.

These are the Top 5 things I *know* need some work from me:

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Reminds me of Joseph Campbell (see Notes on The Power of Myth): “Freud tells us to blame our parents for all the shortcomings of our life, Marx tells us to blame the upper class of our society. But the only one to blame is oneself.”

Let’s get out of our own way and rock it, shall we?

Patience.

I’ve heard it’s a virtue! :)

I don’t know about you, but I often want things to change kinda quickly.

Realizing that all things (especially great things!) tend to take time, I’ve been blissfully developing my patience.

Here are a couple of my favorite thoughts on the matter:

Epictetus (see Notes on The Enchiridion) teaches us: “No great thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.”

And James Arthur Ray (see Notes on Harmonic Wealth) reminds us: “Everything has a gestation period, a time period that must pass before things will come into form. If you plant a carrot seed, it takes about seven weeks for the sprout to make its above-dirt entrance. Bamboo, which can grow up to thirteen feet in as little as one week, takes up to seven years to break through the surface of the ground. But for seven long years it looks like absolutely nothing’s happening. Now that takes some commitment.”

How about you? Feeling a little impatient about your growth?

Let’s chillax and just take it step-by-step and enjoy the journey! :)

Repetition, repetition, repetition. It’s the stuff of Mastery.

As Aristotle tells us: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Let’s remember to practice these new agreements again and again and again and watch our best get better and better and better!