The Art of Living Consciously

One of the first principles of living consciously is to become aware of the contradictions that exist between our values and behaviors.

Although we may *think* we can get away with evading the fact that what we say is important to us is not what we actually do, we can’t. Period. When we’re out of integrity like that, there’s a part of us that knows we are, as Branden says, “at odds with reality.” And that’s never a good idea.

The solution?

To become more conscious. To be more honest about who we are and to change our behavior so that it’s in integrity with our values. THAT is where it’s at.

Branden continues by saying: “Living consciously reflects the conviction that sight is preferable to blindness; that respect for the facts of reality yields more satisfying results than defiance of the facts of reality; that evasion does not make the unreal real or the real unreal; that I am better served by correcting my mistakes than by pretending they do not exist; and that the more conscious I am of facts bearing on my life and goals, the more wisely and effectively I can act.”

Reminds me of Aldous Huxley’s wisdom: “Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”

And, Rumi’s mojo: “The sword of reality is the saint’s protection.”

How ‘bout you?

What do you do when you notice your behavior is not matching up with your stated values—whether that’s creating consistently, being truly present with your family or whatever?

Do you evade the truth?

Or do you have the courage to modify your self-concept or change your behavior so you’re in integrity?

Here’s to wielding the sword of reality and living more and more consciously!

Love that awesomeness on embracing reality.

Are you defensive?

As Branden says, we’ve gotta know that “Defensiveness is unconsciousness protecting itself.”

One of the best ways to deal with defensiveness? Embrace mistakes. We’ve gotta know that we’re not perfect, we’re NEVER going to be perfect and that the *only* way we’re going to move toward our ideals is by eagerly discovering our errors, admitting them and correcting them.

It’s amazing how many different teachers talk about this in different ways.

Maslow tells us there are no perfect human beings. Great peeps, sure. But perfect? Not so much. The healthiest among us (those he calls “self-actualizers”) get this. In his always inspiring words (which I deliberately come back to again and again for my benefit and yours! :) he says: “There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers… even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”

I nearly always follow that quote up with Rumi’s goodness so here we go: “There is no worse sickness for the soul, o you who are proud, than this pretense of perfection.”

And, Tal Ben-Shahar, who has been greatly influenced by Branden, makes the distinction between the optimalist (who embraces reality and knows he’ll never be perfect!) and the perfectionist (who denies reality and chases an impossible ideal of mistake-free perfectionism) as he advises us: “Perfectionism and optimalism are not distinct ways of being, an either-or choice, but rather they coexist in each person. And while we can move from perfectionism toward optimalism, we never fully leave perfectionism behind and never fully reach optimalism ahead. The optimalism ideal is not a distant shore to be reached but a distant star that guides us and can never be reached. As Carl Rogers pointed out, ‘The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”’

Embracing our imperfections is an *incredibly* liberating practice. Let’s take all that energy we’ve been wasting protecting our unconscious selves and channel it into embracing our shortcomings. I’ve got a lot of work to do on this, but so far the returns are stunning.

That makes it pretty simply, eh?

It’s almost funny how hard we can make all this living consciously business. But at the heart of it, doesn’t it really just come down to doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t?

Is it REALLY that complicated? Of course, to pay attention to what works and to understand the principles involved requires that we slow down and actually pay attention (aka live consciously).

So, let’s slow down for a moment.

What do you do that really works for you? The stuff that, when you do it, helps your life flow smoothly?

For me it’s waking up early (after a full night of sleep), meditating, eating well, reflecting on my life’s vision and that day’s activities, creating consistently (aka working hard), exercising and appreciating my Wife. (As you know by now, b/c I say this all the time. Again, it’s deliberate. :)

If I focus on those things my life flows remarkably smoothly. If I don’t, it doesn’t. It’s really not that complicated.

How about you? What do you do that really works for you? And, what do you do that *doesn’t* work for you?

For me, it’s checking email before I create, not eating enough, and not exercising. (It’s interesting to note, btw, that the bad stuff tends to crop up when I’m not doing the good stuff.)

Again. Back to you.

Let’s really bring this home with two of my favorite questions that I tend to come back to you when I’m feeling overwhelmed as it’s one of the most powerful ways I know how to get myself balanced:

What’s the #1 thing you could start doing consistently that would have the most positive impact on your life?

And, what’s the #1 thing that, if you stopped doing it, would have the most positive impact on your life?

Got it? Sweet. Now rock it.

Hah. Love that.

I talk about this basic idea in a chapter in my book called “The Tolle Trap” where I lean on some more genius wisdom from Tal Ben-Shahar who brilliantly comments on this challenge in his book Happier (see Notes): “The rat racer’s illusion is that reaching some future destination will bring him lasting happiness; he does not recognize the significance of the journey. The hedonist’s illusion is that only the journey is important. The nihilist, having given up on both the destination and the journey, is disillusioned with life. The rat racer becomes a slave to the future; the hedonist, a slave to the moment; the nihilist, a slave to the past. Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination we deem valuable. Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak.”

Here’s to maintaining the context to make this moment truly vital!

How beautiful is that?!

In these Notes I often joke about how I never quite understood why my Dad thought it was cool to go to Church every Sunday (we literally NEVER missed a Sunday) but then to curse at people on the way out of the Church parking lot b/c he thought they were going too slow?

Hah. :)

That’s one way we can get in trouble: thinking we’re spiritual b/c we’ve checked the box on that day’s/week’s required activity while being a weenie the rest of the time.

Branden points out another risk—merely accepting the beliefs with which we’ve been raised and, in the process, denying the impulse of Spirit to move beyond the familiar into the further reaches of what’s possible.

How ‘bout you? Are you checking the boxes on your spiritual practice then checking out the rest of the day? And/or are you stuck in the beliefs of how you’ve been raised and not participating in the elevation and evolution of your own consciousness?!

As I said in the intro, I got this book specifically for Branden’s comments on the intersection of living consciously and Eastern/New Age concepts of ego/self. I LOVE the way he approaches the subject.

Quick context: I’m fascinated by how often the word “ego” gets thrown around in the “spiritual” world. From how most mystics/New Agey people talk about the ego (and all the violent things they want to do it), I don’t get the impression they actually know what it is and why it’s important that we have a STRONG ego, not a weak one.

So, let’s start this discussion by defining what the “ego” actually is from a Western psychotherapy perspective.

We’ll let Jonathan Haidt do the honors as he describes the relationship between the ego, id and superego brilliantly in his equally brilliant book, The Happiness Hypothesis (see Notes): “Freud said that the mind is divided into three parts: the ego (the conscious, rational self); the superego (the conscience, a sometimes too rigid commitment to the rules of society); and the id (the desire for pleasure, lots of it, sooner rather than later). The metaphor I use when I lecture on Freud is to think of the mind as a horse and buggy (a Victorian chariot) in which the driver (the ego) struggles frantically to control a hungry, lustful, and disobedient horse (the id) while the driver’s father (the superego) sits in the back seat lecturing the driver on what he’s doing wrong. For Freud, the goal of psychoanalysis was to escape this pitiful state by strengthening the ego, thus giving it more control over the id and more independence from the superego.”

Alright. So, the ego is the “driver” that balances the lusty impulses of the id with the overbearing conditioning of the superego.

In this model, a strong, healthy driver/ego is an ABSOLUTE REQUIREMENT to being a healthy, functioning human being.

Most mystics tell us the ego needs to be dissolved or somehow wrestled with and overcome—which, from a psychological perspective is pretty much completely backward. Fact is, before we can even have a discussion about how to expand our sense of self, we all need to develop a STRONGER self/ego—a more coherent “driver.” Most of us are in a constant (losing) battle between our out-of-control, impulse-driven id and our over-bearing, shame-inflicting superego. The solution isn’t to dissolve the ego, it’s to STRENGTHEN the ego.

We talk about this a bit more in my Note on Joseph Campbell’s Pathways to Bliss (see rant). For now, we’ll wrap up this chat with some wisdom from Campbell: “We hear so much talk now, particularly from the Orient, about egolessness. You are trying to smash this thing which is the only thing that keeps you in play. There’s got to be somebody up there; otherwise you’re not oriented to anything. The self, that’s the great circle, the ship, the ego is the little captain on the bridge.”

So, remember to be nice to your “self.” :)

P.S. How ‘bout one more gem on the subject from Branden: “We can talk about transcending a limited self-concept. We cannot talk—rationally—about transcending the self. We can talk about transcending an overrestricted concept of ego. We cannot talk—rationally—about transcending ego (not if we understand what ego really is and don’t associate it with vanity or defensiveness).”

What a beautiful statement. Reminds me of some wisdom from Ayn Rand and Joseph Campbell.

Rand (see Notes on The Fountainhead) says: “It does not matter that only a few in each generation will grasp and achieve the full reality of man’s proper stature—and the rest will betray it. It is those few that move the world and give life its meaning—and it is those few that I have always sought to address. The rest are no concern of mine; it is not me or ‘The Fountainhead’ that they will betray: it is their own souls.” And: “Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness.”

While Campbell tells us: “What is it we are questing for? It is the fulfillment of that which is potential in each of us. Questing for it is not an ego trip; it is an adventure to bring into fulfillment your gift to the world, which is yourself. There’s nothing you can do that’s more important than being fulfilled. You become a sign, you become a signal, transparent to transcendence; in this way, you will find, live, and become a realization of your own personal myth.”