Instant Influence

Instant Influence has three guiding principles.

#1: We’ll come back to why this is so important in a moment, but for now, know this: No one *has* to do ANYthing EVER. Period. We ALWAYS have a choice. We want to keep this in mind at all times. We’ll talk a LOT more about the importance of AUTONOMY in a moment.

#2. Everyone ALREADY has all the motivation they need. We just need to help them connect with it and then fan the sparks of their latent desire into a strong enough “why” to take action. (And, remember: It must be THEIR reasons for doing something not ours!)

#3. To bring any tiny spark of desire to life, we’d be wise to focus on that little inkling of motivation rather than to talk about why they *don’t* want to do something. (This is where the paradoxical question we talked about in To Sell Is Human comes into play. More in a moment.)

Three principles: We always have choice. The motivation is there. We just need to focus on it.

Got it. Now, before we walk through the 6-step Instant Influence process, I want to focus on that first guiding principle for a moment longer as it’s so important—and what makes this process so different (and effective!).

The Law of Psychological Reactance.

<- Have you ever heard of it?

I hadn’t actually heard it called that before, but I’ve definitely experienced it—as has anyone who’s been in a relationship for longer than 5 minutes and/or raised a kid past the age of 1. (Hah.)

There’s been a ton of research done on this human tendency to resist being told what to do.

Get this: You can bring people into a lab and have them do problem-solving tasks and then measure their level of interest. Then, give them a break and have people strongly encourage them to do certain tasks and avoid others and guess what?

“This study, along with numerous follow-ups, showed that people were likely to avoid what they had been told to choose and to choose what they had been told to avoid. This was true even if they had previously shown interest in something. Telling people to choose an activity—even one they liked—almost guaranteed that they would then avoid it. That’s how much people dislike being told what to do.”

THAT is the law of psychological reactance.

You can really enjoy doing something but the moment you’re told you “have” to do it, you lose interest. (D’oh!)

Therefore…

If you want to influence someone, you’ve gotta start by “reinforcing autonomy.”

In other words, DON’T TELL THEM WHAT TO DO. (Laughing.)

Let THEM tell THEMSELVES why they want to do something.

And… Voila! Instant Influence.

Now we’re ready for the actual 6-step process.

But, first, one more quick note. This is why Dan Pink (in Drive) describes autonomy as the “sun” in the motivational solar system: “The fundamentally autonomous quality of human nature is central to self-determination theory (SDT). As I explained in the previous chapter, Deci and Ryan cite autonomy as one of the three basic human needs. And of the three, it’s the most important—the sun around which SDT’s planets orbit. In the 1980s, as they progressed in their work, Deci and Ryan moved away from categorizing behavior strictly as either extrinsically motivated or intrinsically motivated to categorizing it as either controlled or autonomous. ‘Autonomous motivation involves behaving with a full sense of volition and choice,’ they write, ‘whereas controlled motivation involves behaving with the experience of pressure and demand toward specific outcomes that comes from forces perceived to be external to the self.’”

Michael tells us that, when trying to get someone to do something, most people engage in what he calls a “tell-and-sell” approach.

We tell them what they should be doing then we sell them on why.

Your friend needs to lose some weight? We tell them about how x, y, and z would help and then we sell them on why they should do a, b, and c. Insert the same approach for getting a relative to quit smoking, an employee to show up on time for work, etc. etc. etc.

We tell and then we sell—which would be great if it worked. But it doesn’t.

We’d be MUCH wiser to slow down and ask QUESTIONS that elicit their own (!) motivation for why they want to do something.

Michael walks us through a bunch of great examples in the book and shows us how (in 7 minutes!) we can influence ourselves and others for good. Here’s the super-quick look.

Step 1. We need to start by asking “Why might you want to change?”

Very important note: It’s not: “Here’s why *I* think you should change.” Nor is it, “Why *should* you change?” Nor is it “Why do you *need* to change?”

It’s “Why MIGHT you want to change?”

Why is that conditional “might” important? Because it’s super non-confrontational and helps our “influencee” maintain his or her autonomy. (Which, again, is principle #1 and the most important thing to this whole process! It’s not about OUR reasons why they should do something, it’s about THEIR reasons why THEY want to do that thing.)

Doing this Instant Influence process on yourself? Awesome. Q: “Why might I want to change?”

If you’re feeling it (and only if you’re feeling it—you’re the autonomous Boss here! ;), let’s pick something in our lives we might want to change that we can use as we walk through these questions, shall we?

On that front: Is there a habit you might be trying to build or behavior you’d like to change?

Hmmmm… For me, I’ll go with creating consistent time with the kids in the morning again.

Q: Why might I want to change? A: Well, I’d love to spend time with the kids while giving Alexandra some guaranteed time for herself every morning independent of the time our caregivers provide. She does so much to help me create Masterpiece Days and it’s such a great way to give back to her while consistently having great time with the kids.

You? Q: Why might you want to change? A: _________________________

Step 2: How ready are you to change—on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 means ‘not ready at all’ and 10 means ‘totally ready’?

That’s a good question. (I’ll go with 7 or 8. How about you? :)

And now we get to the wonderfully paradoxical question:

Step 3: Why didn’t you pick a lower number? (Or, if the influencee picked 1, either ask the second question again, this time about a smaller step toward change, or ask, what would it take for that 1 to turn into a 2?)

MOST people would ask “Why didn’t you pick a HIGHER number?” But you know what that gets people to think about? The reasons they DON’T want to change.

We want to help people find the reasons they DO want to change. Therefore, we ask this weird question: Why isn’t the number lower? (Hah!)

Well, for me… I’m truly committed to being a great husband and father in addition to doing all I can to create powerfully. And, time in the morning with the kids is such a good way to achieve that that it just makes sense…

You? Why isn’t YOUR number lower?

Step 4: Imagine you’ve changed. What would the positive outcomes be?

Now we’re going to really see the positive outcomes even more clearly. Throughout the book, Michael stresses how important it is to start with the WHY rather than the HOW. We need the WHY fire of desire nice and hot before we try to figure out HOW we’re going to do something.

Me: I’m smiling as I imagine an even happier home with deeper connection and love. You?

Step 5: Why are those outcomes important to you?

Now we go deeper into helping the influencee fan the WHY flames. (Again, echo: WE are not telling them why they should be fired up. THEY are telling THEMSELVES why they’re fired up!)

Michael talks about the “five why’s”—following each reason with another “Why?” until you hit gold.

Me: Because I’m committed to actualizing my potential as a human being, striving to LIVE these ideas as an exemplar and celebrating a life of deep friendship and love with my wife and kids—BFFs!!! You?

Step 6: What’s the next step, if any?

Now we take action. How do we take the motivation and take just a little baby step? And, again, note: “if any”—that’s another way to make sure we build their autonomy. You don’t HAVE to do anything. Ever. But what might be a next step?

Me: Spend time this morning with the kids post trail. (And spend some time thinking about how I can fit it in consistently, etc.) You?

The six steps, one more time:

Step 1: Why might you change? (Or to influence yourself, why might I change?)

Step 2: How ready are you to change—on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 means ‘not ready at all’ and 10 means ‘totally ready’?

Step 3: Why didn’t you pick the lower number? (Or, if the influencee picked 1, either ask the second question again, this time about a smaller step toward change, or ask, what would it take for that 1 to turn into a 2?)

Step 4: Imagine you’ve changed. What would the positive outcomes be?

Step 5: Why are those outcomes important to you?

Step 6: What’s the next step, if any?

So, ahem… Why might you want to try out the Instant Influence process? (And… With whom on what? :) How ready are you to try it out on a scale of 1 to 10? Why isn’t that LOWER? Imagine you’ve gotten good at using it. What awesomeness would you see in your life? Why would that be so great? Any potential next steps?

btw: Michael talks a lot about how important it is to focus on SUPER (!!!) small steps. Kinda like what we talk about in One Small Step and Mini Habits.

Our next step? Moving from clear commitment to action!

That’s from one of the final chapters called “Making an Action Plan” in which we learn the hallmarks of a good personal contract.

Important note: We want to make sure the motivation/WHY is truly there. “The science on this point is very clear: creating an action plan with someone who is not yet ready to act makes whatever motivation you’ve accessed disappear.”

Assuming we’re starting with a strong WHY, Michael gives us a few tips.

First, he tells us we want to make sure we focus on a “clear behavioral goal, something specific and measurable.” We want to focus on one simple step in the process, have a clear time frame, a “method” to achieve it and “at least one but ideally two or three reasons for the action.”

And: “The more heartfelt and personal the reasons, the more powerful the action plan will be.”

Here’s my take on a contract modeled after a sample in the book featuring a woman who wanted to get healthier by losing weight via eating better.

I, Brian Johnson, promise myself to keep to my family plan of spending 15 minutes with the kids in the morning for the next 3 months, starting today. I promise that if I slip and “fall off” the plan, I will start up again the very next morning. I will stick to my plan by: (1) Planning my days to include this time; (2) Not starting my second shift of work (after Trail) until AFTER I’ve spent time with the kiddos. I will do this because I want to be a great husband and father. I want to be a great husband and father because living in integrity with these Ideas and with my ideals in both my professional AND personal life is important to me. And, most importantly, I want to be best friends with my Wife and kids for as long as I’m alive. (Yah. That would be misty goosebumps awesome!)
Signed,
Brian
May 25, 2018

How about you?

Got any Instant Influence contracts inside you that you’d like to spend a few minutes jotting down? No pressure. You’re the Boss. But… Why might you want to consider doing it? And… :)