How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere

Those are the very first words from Chapter 1 on “Talk 101.”

It’s funny how we could spend our entire time together unpacking JUST those 169 words. Seriously. There’s so much goodness to mine in there.

Let’s start with this line: “even those who have a natural ability for something have to work to develop it. That’s what turns a talent into a skill.”

That’s almost EXACTLY what one of James Pawelski’s colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania said about the relationship between talent and skill a decade or two after Larry wrote those words.

In her classic book on Grit, Angela Duckworth gives us an equation to account for the fact that, yes, natural “talent” does, in fact, influence how much we can achieve in life but, she says, “effort counts twice.”

She tells us: “I have been working on a theory of the psychology of achievement since Marty [Seligman] scolded me for not having one. I have pages and pages of diagrams, filling more than a dozen lab notebooks. After more than a decade of thinking about it, sometimes alone, and sometimes in partnership with close colleagues, I finally published an article in which I lay down two simple equations that explain how you get from talent to achievement.

Here they are:

talent x effort = skill
——————→ skill x effort = achievement

Talent is how quickly your skills improve when you invest effort. Achievement is what happens when you take your acquired skills and use them. Of course, your opportunities—for example, having a great teacher—matter tremendously, too, and maybe more than anything about the individual. My theory doesn’t address these outside forces, nor does it include luck. It’s about the psychology of achievement, but because psychology isn’t all that maters, it’s incomplete.

Still, I think it’s useful. What this theory says is that when you consider individuals in identical circumstances, what each achieves depends on just two things, talent and effort. Talent—how fast we can improve a skill—absolutely matters. But effort factors into the calculations twice, not once. Effort builds skill. At the very same time, effort makes skill productive.”

That, interestingly, brings us back to Ted Williams. He may very well have had the most “natural talent” of any baseball hitter in our lifetimes. But…

Technically, he DIDN’T take “batting practice like everyone else.” In fact, biographers say, he was a BEAST in batting practice (regularly making his hands bleed!) and made other baseball players look lazy in comparison.

All of which makes me think of Alan Stein and Eric Butterworth.

In his great book Raise Your Game, Allen tells us about the Kobe Bryant practice he watched back in the day. At 4:00 AM.

Here’s how he puts it: “For forty-five minutes I was shocked. For forty-five minutes I watched the best player in the world do the most basic drills. I watched the best player on the planet do basic ball-handling drills. I watched the best player on the planet do basic footwork. I watched the best player on the planet do basic offensive moves.

Granted, he did everything with surgical precision and super-hero intensity, but the stuff he was doing was so simple. I couldn’t believe it.

Later that day I went over to him. ‘Thanks again,’ I said, ‘I really enjoyed watching your workout this morning.’ ‘No problem,’ Kobe replied.

Then I hesitated, not wanting to sound rude—or worse—condescending. ‘You’re the best player in the world. Why do such basic stuff?’ He flashed that gleaming smile of his. ‘Why do you think I’m the best player in the game?’ he asked. ‘Because I never get bored with the basics.’

He knew that if his footwork was not razor sharp, then the rest of the move would never be as good as it could be. And he knew that the only way to do that was through sheer repetition. Kobe had such an understanding of building things step by step, brick by brick; he worshipped on the altar of basics. If someone at Kobe’s level needs to commit hours to practicing the fundamentals, then so do all of us. Kobe taught me a pivotal lesson that morning. The basics are simple, but not easy. If they were easy, everyone would do them.”

Eric Butterworth echoes this wisdom in Spiritual Economics where he reminds us: “Ask the great athlete or the concert pianist or the successful actor if they arrived at the place where they need no further practice. They will tell you that the higher you climb in proficiency and public acceptance, the greater the need for practice.”

All of THAT brings us back to the King. That man has HUSTLED his entire life. And THAT my friends is why he is who he is. All of which begs the question: How’s YOUR effort?

That’s from Day 1 of Larry Zeiger’s, I mean, Larry KING’s first day on the radio.

Right after getting his new name (hah!), he steps into the studio to host his first show—which, btw, he got after HUSTLING around the radio station begging for a chance to get on air. The local morning DJ quit one day and the general manager of the station gave Larry a shot.

So… It’s Day 1.

May 1, 1957 to be precise.

Larry cues up his theme song. Brings the volume down to introduce himself. And… His mouth is so dry he can’t talk. So… He starts the music again, brings it down again and… His mouth is still so dry he can’t say a word. Nothing comes out.

He tells us: “I can still remember saying to myself that I’d been wrong, that I was a street gabber but I wasn’t ready to do this professionally.”

Then his boss kicks open the door to the control room and tells him: “This is a communications business!” Then he left slamming the door behind him. :)

Larry tells us: “In that instant I leaned forward toward the microphone and said the first words I ever spoke as a broadcaster:

‘Good morning. This is my first day ever on the radio. I’ve always wanted to be on the air. I’ve been practicing all weekend. Fifteen minutes ago they gave me my new name. I’ve had a theme song ready to play. But my mouth is dry. I’m nervous. And the general manager just kicked the door open and said, ‘This is a communications business.’

Being able to say at least something gave me the confidence to go on, and the rest of the show went fine. That was the beginning of my career in talking. I was never nervous on the radio again.”

How’s THAT for a Day 1 of a career you would wind up crushing?

Puts things in perspective, eh? (Hah.)

Seriously. If one of THE greatest professional communicators in the HISTORY of broadcasting can have a Day 1 like that, perhaps we can all cut ourselves some slack!

btw: The wisdom that follows that story is about honesty. Larry tells us: “I learned something about talking that morning in Miami Beach, whether you’re on the air or off: Be honest. You can never go wrong, in broadcasting or in any area of speech.”

That’s from Chapter 2 called “Breaking the Ice” in which Larry shares tips on how to overcome shyness (yours and theirs), body language (#1 pro tip: look people in the eye when you talk to them!), and questions to avoid (hint: yes or no questions).

As I reflected on that passage, I wonder if Larry has ever taken James & Co.’s VIA Signature Strengths test. I’d be willing to bet that his top strengths include Curiosity and/or Love of Learning and Social Intelligence.

So… The First Rule of Conversation is simple: LISTEN.

Throughout the book, Larry references another master of communication, Dale Carnegie. Larry tells us: “Dale Carnegie put it effectively in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has now sold fifteen million copies: ‘To be interesting, be interested.’”

btw: Update: In the 25 years since Larry wrote this book, Dale Carnegie’s book has DOUBLED its total copies sold. It’s now sold over 30 million copies since it was published in 1936.

If you haven’t yet, check out our Notes on How to Win Friends and Influence People. It’s fantastic and as relevant today as when it was first published.

Echoing the wisdom Larry said, Dale also says: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Then there’s this: “Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin with yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others—yes, and a lot less dangerous. ‘Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,’ said Confucius, ‘when your own doorstep is unclean.’”

And this: “The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.”

P.S. Carnegie wrote another (great, old school) book on speaking called How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking. And… He wrote *another* great book called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Check out both of those Notes!

That’s from a chapter called “Bloopers and How to Survive Them” in which Larry shares some of his best bloopers. (My favorite: When he fell asleep at the microphone and all people heard was him snoring. :)

I want to take a moment to emphasize that Larry tells us “when you commit” your errors… Emphasis on “WHEN” *not* “if.” WHEN.

Larry is clearly an incredibly confident guy. In the deepest etymological sense of the word. Recall that confidence literally means “intense trust.” Intense trust in what? Not that everything will go perfectly. That’s a one-way street to Crazyville. Intense trust that IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HAPPENS because you have what it takes to respond powerfully to whatever happens.

And, one of Larry’s key practices is the fact that he KNOWS he’ll make mistakes so, when he does, he doesn’t let it bother him. He just carries on.

Jim Afremow echoes this wisdom in The Champion’s Mind. He tells about how the absolute best golfers (think Jack Nicklaus and Rory McIlroy) KNOW that they’re going to have x bad shots a round. So, when those inevitable (!) bad shots arise, they just carry on.

Afremow tells us: “Take a minute right now to think about your performance when you did not believe a good or respectable outcome was possible but you still found a way to make it happen. There is beauty in being ugly but effective (UBE) or having a good bad day (GBD) while you are not at your finest. Keep your head in the game and grind it out.”/em>xtagstartz

Enthusiasm. It’s the secret sauce. Ralph Waldo Emerson comes to mind. Along with another Positive Psychology Luminary that Larry and James have had on their show: Carol Dweck.

In Selected Writings, Ralph Waldo Emerson tells us: “Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

In Mindset, Carol Dweck tells us: “The growth-minded athletes, CEOs, musicians, or scientists all loved what they did, whereas many of the fixed-minded ones did not. Many growth-minded people didn’t even plan to go to the top. They got there as a result of doing what they love. It’s ironic: The top is where the fixed-mindset people hunger to be, but it’s where many growth-minded people arrive as a by-product of their enthusiasm for what they do.

This point is also crucial. In the fixed-mindset, everything is about the outcome. If you fail—or if you’re not the best—it’s all been wasted. The growth mindset allows people to value what they’re doing regardless of the outcome.”

All of which brings us back to YOU.

Want to be able to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere? Fall in love with your life and what you do and the people with whom you’re blessed to do it. When?

How about TODAY!