How to Be an Imperfectionist

The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism
by Stephen Guise | Selective Entertainment LLC © 2015 · 166 pages

You ever struggle with perfectionism? If so, it’s time to learn how to be an imperfectionist! Stephen Guise (author of Mini Habits), shows us the way. Big Ideas include being a poser, living within floors and ceilings, thinking vs. doing, pulling the lever, and cultivating result apathy.

Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection.
Kim Collins

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Big Ideas

“Perfectionism (noun): ‘A disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable’

Having perfectionistic tendencies myself, I know how destructive and frustrating this mindset can be. In this book, I want to make a case that not only compels you but also shows you how to embrace imperfection in your life. Imperfection isn’t bad, it’s freedom. (To be clear, ‘perfection’ isn’t bad either—by definition, it’s flawless—but perfectionism is problematic.)

Perfectionism makes you stay home, not take chances, and procrastinate on projects; it makes you think your life is worse than it is; it keeps you from being yourself; it stresses you out; it tells you that good is bad; and it ignores the natural way in which things work.”

~ Stephen Guise from How to Be an Imperfectionist

I loved Stephen Guise’s great little book Mini Habits (see Notes) so when I saw he had a new book I jumped right on it.

Plus, how awesome is that title: “How to Be an Imperfectionist”?!

I used to be a RIDICULOUS perfectionist.

I was so bad that I can still vividly remember stressing myself out trying to make sure I got a staple perfectly parallel to the top of the page for a client when I first started my career at Arthur Anderson nearly 20 years ago. (Laughing at myself. :)

I’ve come a long way since then and Stephen captures a lot of the little things I’ve picked up that have helped me a great deal. And, as with Mini Habits, he also presents some novel, creative frames to help us optimize.

Dealing with perfectionism is one of the things I get asked about most often. So, if you’re someone who’s struggled with it, a) know you’re in the vast majority of humans on the planet and b) you might really enjoy the book! (Get a copy here.)

Of course, the book is packed with Big Ideas. I’m excited to share some of my favorites so let’s jump straight in!

Quick look at perfectionism

“I’ve analyzed and narrowed down what I believe are the five most important areas of perfectionism in terms of how ‘core’ they are to the concept and how ‘fixable’ they are. When we start throwing imperfect punches at perfectionism, these will be our targets…:

  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Rumination
  • Need for approval
  • Concern over mistakes
  • Doubts about actions”

Stephen kicks the book off with a quick look at the research done on perfectionism and narrows down the core issues he tackles in the book.

The quick re-cap:

  • Unrealistic expectations (solution = quit being so attached to results and start obsessing about action + process!)
  • Rumination (solution = quit overthinking about things you can’t change)
  • Need for approval (solution = quit tying your self-worth to other people’s opinions of you + practice some rebellion)
  • Concerns over mistakes (solution = learn to embrace mistakes as an inherent part of life)
  • Doubts about actions (solution = measure your success on actually doing little things rather than how perfectly you do big things)

Let’s take a look at some of my favorite Ideas on how to address those challenges!

If we can create a general confidence in ourselves and stop attaching it to individual happenings, we’ll be more consistent winner and enjoy life more.
Stephen Guise

Floors and ceilings

“Your floor and ceiling are important considerations in life. Your floor in this case is the absolute minimum you need to be satisfied in life. Your ceiling is your upper potential and wildest dreams. If you’re living in between your floor and ceiling, you’re happy, because you have a minimum of what you need to be happy. And it goes without saying that you won’t surpass your ceiling (or else it isn’t a ceiling).

Perfectionism is a problem because it makes ‘perfection’ your floor. When this is the case, you don’t have a ceiling. The floor is also the ceiling because perfection can’t be surpassed! This setup seems cramped even to me, and I live in a 150-square-foot ‘micro studio’ apartment!”

Hah. That’s awesome.

Let’s capture that image and see if we create some cramped living quarters for ourselves.

When we live as healthy imperfectionists, we’re able to establish a basic baseline of what it takes for us to be happy. That’s our floor.

Then, of course, we have dreams we’re excited to pursue and a vision of what our lives could look like if an angel waved her wand and brought our visions to reality. That’s our ceiling.

We go about comfortably living in between our floor and ceiling. All is well.

Now, on the other hand, a perfectionist can’t quite get comfortable with ANYTHING other than the everything-is-perfect-angel-wand-waving scenario.

That perfection is their FLOOR. And, seeing that you can’t quite improve on perfection, that’s also their CEILING.

D’oh. The floor and the ceiling are the same. That’s a little cramped. Make that impossibly cramped. Hard to be happy with anything in that scenario, eh?

How are you doing with that? How are your floors and ceilings?!

Are you a poser?

“In an experiment by social psychologist Amy Cuddy, one group was instructed to assume a high-power pose and another a low-power pose, both for two minutes. The high-power pose group members stood tall and placed their hands on their hips or held their arms out (open, wide, and taking up space). The low-power pose group members folded their arms inward and slouched (closed, confined, and taking up less space).

After just two minutes, the high-power pose group’s testosterone levels increased 20%, and their cortisol levels decreased 25%. The high-power group was found to be far more willing to take risks than the low-power posers in subsequent tests. Increased testosterone makes us more willing to take risks and be assertive, while decreased cortisol makes us less anxious and stressed. As for the low-power pose group, their pose had the inverse effect: testosterone dropped 10%, and cortisol increased 15%.”

That’s nuts.

It’s from a chapter all about a high-level look at how to be an imperfectionist.

Stephen’s main idea: It starts with ACTION.

Think about it for a moment.

Just two minutes of assuming the posture of a powerful person resulted in a bio-chemical shift toward being a more powerful person. And, of course, assuming the power of a low-power person resulted in the opposite effect.

Stephen quotes Amy Cuddy saying: “Two minutes led to these hormonal changes that configure your brain to basically be either assertive, confident, and comfortable, or really stress-reactive and feeling kind of shut down.”

(Wow.)

Makes you want to stand up strongly and put your hands on your hips and take a nice deep breath, eh? :)

Powerful stuff.

Let’s dig in a little deeper into the power of action.

Make success easier than failure, and you’ll succeed.
Stephen Guise

Thinking vs. Doing: Action first!

“There’s even more direct evidence that the action-first strategy is superior in regard to changing how we feel (and increasing motivation). The Duke University journal study mentioned earlier found that emotional change was almost twice as likely to be caused by actions the study participants had taken as opposed to thoughts.

Now, we were talking about feeling and doing, and this study talks about thinking versus doing. Thinking is the standard way people try to change their feelings in the ‘get motivated’ strategy. They won’t try action until they’re in a mental and emotional state in which action is attractive to them. …

It’s unfortunate how popular this strategy is, because it’s much easier to generate motivation by acting first. …

The main point here is that action itself is the best starting point for more action, while trying to think your way into more motivation is an unreliable and ineffective way to create forward motivation.”

Let’s say you’re not feeling motivated to do something.

What do you think is the best way to get yourself feeling motivated?

Change your thinking or just jump in and start doing?

Research shows taking action is TWICE as effective as trying to change your thoughts.

(Another wow.)

Therefore, if you tend to procrastinate and only do things when you *feel* like it, note that’s a sub-optimal strategy.

JUST. JUMP. IN.

Tal Ben-Shahar echoes this wisdom in Choose the Life You Want (see Notes) where he tells us: “Fortunately, the research into procrastination has also identified practical ways that can help overcome the tendency to procrastinate. The single most important technique is called ‘the five-minute takeoff.’ It consists, simply, of starting to do the thing you have been putting off, no matter how little you feel like doing it. Procrastinators often believe that to do something one has to truly want to do it—to be in the right mood, to feel inspired. This is not the case. Usually, to get the job done, it is enough merely to begin doing it—the initial action kick-starts the process and often brings about more action.”

Back to you: Feeling stuck?

What’s the tiniest thing you can do to get started?

Remember: Quit trying to psyche yourself up and just jump in.

Taking ACTION is a *huge* way to change the way you feel and leads to more and more action.

Never forget this: It’s easier to change your mind and emotions by taking action than it is to change your actions by trying to think and feel differently.
Stephen Guise
Embracing imperfection in all phases of the process destroys excuses. It kills the fear of failure because it includes failure as part of the process.
Stephen Guise

The lever of imperfectionism

“A lever is ‘a rigid bar resting on a pivot, used to help move a heavy or firmly fixed load with one end when pressure is applied to the other.’ It enables you to move something with much less force than if you tried to move the object unassisted. The upcoming insight is like a lever for imperfectionism in that it’s easier than a ‘blunt force’ strategy of straight up trying to have more realistic standards. It is the ‘pivot point’ of the imperfectionist mindset.

Pivot point: perfectionism and imperfectionism are determined by what you care about. The following list shows what cares to have (or not) in order to be an imperfectionist. If you follow this advice, I guarantee you’ll be happier with your life:

  • Care less about results. Care more about putting in the work.
  • Care less about problems. Care more about making progress despite them. Or if you must fix something, focus on the solution.
  • Care less about what other people think. Care more about who you want to be and what you want to do.
  • Care less about doing it right. Care more about doing it at all.
  • Care less about failure. Care more about success.
  • Care less about timing. Care more about the task.

In general, the idea behind imperfectionism is to not care so much about conditions or results, and care more about what you can do right now to move forward with your identity and your life.”

Imagine a lever.

You want a lever to shift your perfectionistic tendencies?

Change the things you care about.

Care less about perfect results and more about consistently putting in the effort. Care less about doing it perfectly and more about simply doing it at all.

Care most about what you can do RIGHT NOW.

Your best chance to reach your big dreams is through small goals in quantity.
Stephen Guise

The antidote to Rumination

“Rumination is a desperate, futile attempt to change the past by thinking about it. It’s a form of denial, and acceptance is the antidote.”

Rumination.

If we want to stress ourselves out, this is one of the best ways to do it.

Remember that the root of the word means to “chew over.” It’s what a cow does with its food. Chewing it, partially digesting it in its stomach, regurgitating it back into its mouth, chewing some more and repeating the process.

Works for cows but, uh, let’s not do that.

If something happened that we can’t change, it makes NO sense to continue to replay the painful memory in our minds. We need to accept it, take the lesson from it and MOVE ON. Period.

Are you chewing on something that you need to spit out?

Focus on the Process (result Apathy)

“The only way to get results is to go through whatever process leads to them. There’s no skipping the process just because you really want something. Imperfectionists ignore results because when you care less about the results of a process, it makes the process itself easier.

Being apathetic about results does NOT mean you’re not trying as hard. Not trying comes from general apathy. Result apathy is this: ‘I am going to do my best and not care how it turns out.’

This is the golden mindset of life. It might even be . . . perfect. The common misconception that trips people up is that they don’t know how to try hard without caring about results; they’ve never tried it…

  • Perfectionists use their desire for positive results to motivate them to go through the process.
  • Imperfectionists focus on the process and let the results take care of themselves.

See how imperfectionists are more efficient? They go straight to the process instead of using it as a means to an end. In life, it’s always smartest to focus on what you control, and in this case, it’s the process, not results. So really, by caring more about the process, it shows you care about the results.”

We come back to this again and again for a good reason. It’s huge. Fact is, as Stephen says, “The only way to get results is to go through whatever process leads to them.”

Therefore, if you REALLY care about the results, you should strongly consider ignoring them as you OBSESS (!) about the process.

Enter: Result apathy. :)

The Bhagavad Gita (see Notes) says: “The awakened sages call a person wise when all his undertakings are free from anxiety about results.” Plus: “Abandon all attachment to the results of action and attain supreme peace.”

In The Obstacle Is the Way (see Notes), Ryan Holiday tell us about Coach Nick Saban’s obsession with the process and tells us: “The process is about finishing. Finishing games. Finishing workouts. Finishing film sessions. Finishing drives. Finishing reps. Finishing plays. Finishing blocks. Finishing the smallest task you have right in front of you and finishing it well.”

And I love this gem from Russell Simmons (see Notes on Do You!): “I know some people say ‘Keep your eyes on the prize,’ but I disagree. When your eyes are stuck on the prize, you’re going to keep stumbling and crashing into things. If you really want to get ahead, you’ve got to keep your eyes focused on the path.”

Where’s your focus? Process or results? Would it be wise to practice a little results apathy and take some of that energy and put it into process passion?

Instead of expecting perfect results, the imperfectionist expects perfect progress and consistency.
Stephen Guise
Imperfectionists aren’t so ironic as to have perfect lives; they’re just happier, healthier, and more productive at doing what matters. Perfectionism is a limitation and imperfectionism is freedom, so give the solutions in this book a try and begin your transformation into an imperfectionist. You’ll be glad you did.
Stephen Guise

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Stephen Guise

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