#1877 “Behavior Wags the Tail of Feelings…”

In our last +1, we wrapped up our quick tour through Marsha Linehan’s wonderful memoir and equally powerful Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

Today I want to talk a little more about one specific line from her wisdom on “Opposite Action.”

As you may recall, she told us: “You can’t think yourself into new ways of acting; you can only act yourself into new ways of thinking.”

When I read that, I IMMEDIATELY (!) thought of David Reynolds.

Reynolds is also a therapist who integrates Zen philosophy into his work.

He basically wrote an ENTIRE book on the same line. It’s called Constructive Living.

As I’ve said many times: I HIGHLY recommend it.

(Dan Millman HIGHLY recommended it to ME over 20 years ago as the book/philosophy deeply influenced him and his work.)

So…

Reynolds tells us: “The mature human being goes about doing what needs to be done regardless of whether that person feels great or terrible. Knowing that you are the kind of person with that kind of self-control brings all the satisfaction and confidence you will ever need. Even on days when the satisfaction and confidence just aren’t there, you can get the job done anyway.”

He tells us there are FIVE principles of Constructive Living.

Here they are:

1. Feelings are uncontrollable directly by the will.
2. Feelings must be recognized and accepted as they are.
3. Every feeling, however unpleasant, has its uses.
4. Feelings fade in time unless they are restimulated.
5. Feelings can be directly influenced by behavior.

And…

Most importantly, he tells us: “Behavior wags the tail of feelings... We do, then we feel.”

Or, as Marsha would put it: “You can’t think yourself into new ways of acting; you can only act yourself into new ways of thinking.”

And…

That’s Today’s +1.

Let’s go do the things we do when we’re at your best ESPECIALLY when we don’t feel like it.

I repeat…

“Behavior wags the tail of feelings... We do, then we feel.”

“You can’t think yourself into new ways of acting; you can only act yourself into new ways of thinking.”

Day 1.

All in.

LET’S GO!!!